We have been touching upon it multiple times, it is crucial and high time to really dive in deep today: your Little Voice.
You know, the inner voice that just said: huh, what little voice?
Everyone has one. No matter if you’re 8, 18 or 80. Wether you’re the daila lama, donald trump or just some regular person from the street. Everyone has a little voice. And most people have more than one.
This Little Voice is what tries to get us to behave and act in a certain way. It is fueled by our beliefs, our habits, what we have experienced, or what we have NOT experienced, and it executes, and helps us execute.
That in itself is very handy. The problem is in the fact that the little voice is most dominantly pushed by our subconscious. So it helps us create, but not from our conscious patterns.
It tends to do and help out with whatever you ask it to, except that most things you don’t want.
So, how to use it?
Most people think that if they just kill that voice they will be safe. We tend to think that the voice itself is the problem. If you think that you are very mistaken. And that is why people who meditate to quiet the voice, or do all sorts of inner work to destroy the voice, all end up in the same patterns again.
The whole point is, it is trying to HELP you. So if you kill it without understannding it, it will just get angry back. And most of us know what that looks like.
For me, it looks like this: I make a decision. I commit. I do everything that way, from now on. I kill the LV once in a while. And hey, that should work. And at first, it does. Until that day where I wake up resenting everybody because I have to work so hard. Only to find out that a lot of things I have been doing didn;t work out. I get into arguments with my kids over nothing. Etc.
What is going on then?
What is going on, is that I have not changed anything. Just my actions. That is something like printing a page, discovering a typo, erasing it. And reprinting again, and then expecting the typo to not be there.
You can’t do it that way. No matter how hard you try!
Ok, why not?
Well, because your LV is a BODY GUARD. And it has been trained to KILL. To kill all it’s enemies, no matter how persistent they might be. And you programmed the LV what it should look out for.
So as long as you don;t give it a different assignment, it will do whatever it takes.
We need to reprogram the LV. And we need to work with it a while, until it starts to believe that we are right.
You can’t tell an army to kill all the germans for years, saying that all americans are good. And then, out of the blue, say: ok, now it is the other way around. And expect them to understand it immediately.
So step 1 is: understand the mission your LV is on
Step 2: give a new mission
Step 3: be patient and retrain it
Step 4: reward!
Step 5: keep playing this game
Envision what it is you want. See what it is you are getting. And keep unraveling what is apparently the mission, and what is what you want. And keep tuning.
[Tweet “Your Little Voice can become your BEST friend instead of your worst enemy!”]
How does this pertain to money?
Let’s look into an example from my own life. My LV was fine with me earning money before I had kids, but after that, it wanted me to stop that, marry a husband who earns enough, and be there for my kids. Next week we’ll talk about how this is created, but this is what my LV tries to get me to do.
It has very good reasons to do that. I know and understand these reasons. More about that next week. For now I’ll describe what is going on.
So the thing my LV wants me to do, is to STOP earning money and take care of kids. So what goes on inside me?
For instance: this morning. I brought my kids to daycare. It is a holiday here right now, and they don;t want to go. My LV is going CRAZY. Telling me I should keep them home. Work around them. Just be there. It wants me to be an example for them and giving them everything they need and want. It doesn;t care if I have wants. It wants me to take their needs as highest priority.
Step 1: understand the mission. Now since a few months I am really understanding that this program is not getting me anywhere. Not where I want to be business wise, but also not to the place I want to guide my kids – to be self supporting adults. The best thing I can do (and this can be different for you) is to get my business running in 24 hours a week during SET times, be really present with my kids in all other times, and do both.
Step 2: I am changing my pattern, and reprogramming this LV. By bringing them to daycare. Committing to working certain specific hours. And knowing that that is good for them as they grow up. I can feel it, I know it. But my program tells me otherwise.
So, my LV goes crazy on me. Just let them sleep in then. Pick them up sooner. Let them take an iphone with them. Bring them by car. Etc. And instead of being clear, I become fuzzy to them. Giving mixed signals about ‘it’s ok to be slow, it’s a holiday’ and ‘hurry up, I need to start working!’
Then, the whole bikeride, my mind starts on a new d-tour: let’s bring them, and then go into a coffeeshop and drink coffee while doing a facebok live instead of this podcast! You wanted to do FB lives for a while, and it would be so awesome!!! And it starts raving about how great it would be, the best idea out there etc.
Deep down, I KNOW that is a d-tour tactic to get me in unproductive mode, making me feel bad about bringing the kids to daycare, telling me -end of the day- I was unproductive anyway, so I could have kept them home anyway. Etc.
Step 3: What I do is this: I listen. Ask my LV: what is it that you want for me?
It tells me: I want you to be happy, content, free inside and feeling connected to your kids.
I tell it: ok, what would really help me, is if I could finish what I want to do today, so I feel proud and present and fulfilled when I pick them up. What you are suggesting, will make me feel depleted and bad about myself. That way, I will be grumpy towards them, and bitch at them all evening. Is that what you want?
Me: ok, so we’ll go home, and do it my way today ok? And I’ll check in to see if you can live with this new way later tonight
Step 4: I now from experience, that tonight my LV will be as happy as I am, and it will celebrate with me eating chocolate easter eggs with tea.
Step 5: understand that this will be going on for some time. I have been practicing this pattern for nearly 11 years, and maybe even for 40 years….. it could very well be a pattern that was already existent before I had kids. It won;t change in a week…… and it doesn;t have to
Many people ask me: there has to be a shortcut.
As far as I can see, the only shortcut is getting better at reprogramming. And training.
If you want a messed up dog to start behaving again, it is no use to yell at it.
What helps, is to be patient. To reward good behavior. Show it what it is you want.
And maybe there is no guarantee for results. But there definitely is a guarantee for NO results if you do it any other way.
Next week, we’ll dive into what actually programs your LV, and how you change it. So stay tuned!